Same · as · a · Wildcat

ME:   "Son, what part of 'go to bed' didn't you understand?"

THE WONDER BOY:   "Well, the bed part.  And the go part."

Scene:   The hallway of a 60's ranch-style house in a quiet college town.    A door opens suddenly.   A teenage boy emerges with a dramatic flourish.

WONDER BOY:   *beats chest*  THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP *gives silverback-style snort*   WHUFF!

WONDER BOY:   I am feeling particularly manly today!

Exeunt.

Me:   Are you hungry?   Because I'm hungry.

thewonderboy :   (movie voice)   Yes, I hunger!  I need BRAAAAAINS!   Fear my wrath!

Me:    Why are you such a freak?

thewonderboy :    Hey, shrimp!

Me:   .....Why are you such a freak?

thewonderboy :    While I'm waiting for that to cook, I'm going to go over here...

Me:  *eyebrow*

thewonderboy :   ....As for your question....of why I'm so awesome....it's all thanks to you, Mom!

"Winter holidays began because people would all crowd together into the same building so they wouldn't freeze to death.  Remember when we got stuck at lupaloo 's house because the roads iced over and we couldn't drive anywhere?   That was the true spirit of Christmas."  --thewonderboy 


So.   Snarky, geeky, and slightly morbid.   I wonder where he gets it?

Class participation is never the problem. Getting him to do anything tedious (like homework, or walking in line, or whatever it is) often is. He has zero patience for what he thinks is pointless.

He's been like that since he was a toddler. He started talking at eight months old, and by a year was using complete sentences, albeit with typical toddler syntax. He would point up and say, "Sky got blue," so he clearly knew color words and could use them appropriately.

However, he wouldn't answer boring questions. I would point to pictures in a book and try to get him to tell me what color it was, you know, like they tell you to in all those helpful parenting books about child development.

He would just look at me, like "You obviously know what color that is, so why are you asking me?" and wander off. I thought maybe he had some strange developmental problem or was color blind until I figured out that he just wasn't interested in the question.

There are some ways he is like his father. I'm just sayin'. If you don't know what I mean, you've never tried to get mtn_hermit to do something he isn't already motivated to do.

My son, at fourteen, is still very little; he hasn't hit the big growth spurt yet, though he has grown an inch in the last six months. I was sincerely worried about sending him off to high school where they all tower over him. I was also concerned that his, er, lack of concern for the mundane restrictions placed on mere mortals might get him into trouble.

thewonderboy, getting in the car: "I have discovered that I can act as weird as I like here, and no one will call me on it because they all think I'm cute."

Me: "That's good to know, just don't push it too far. So, how was your day other than that?"

thewonderboy: "Surprisingly easy."

Me: "How did the discussion of what science is go?"*

thewonderboy: "Kind of monotonous."

Me: "In what way?"

thewonderboy: "I didn't get to talk very much."

Me: "Well, there are other students in the class who need the opportunity to speak."

thewonderboy: "There's only about twelve or thirteen in that class. There are thirty in my Drama class and nobody stops me from talking."

Me: "Perhaps your Drama teacher feels that your enthusiasm will encourage others rather than obstruct them."

thewonderboy, dubiously: "Maybe."



*Yesterday, at orientation, there were questions posted on the wall such as "What is science?" and "How is science different from other disciplines?" thewonderboy asked, "Can I take the liberty of answering those questions?" (Yes, he really talks like that.) The teacher suggested he wait until today.

Took him to register for classes today. As we walked in the front door, he sniffed and said, "Smell that? It's the smell of doom."

Then he proceeded to charm the socks off the counselor. I don't know why I worry about him; he's way more capable of taking charge of his own life than I was when I was fourteen.

I re-enrolled my baby in the school system today, in preparation for enrolling him in high school next week. (My fourteen-year-old "baby.")

I am actually genuinely upset by this, as I feel like I am sending him back into the maw of the beast. But there's stuff he can learn in high school that I realistically can't teach him, and he wants to go, so I am resigned. If he's going to go, I want him to do well, so I just need to suck it up and support him.

*sigh*

In preparation for doing Yet More Housey Stuff, I decided to put my hair up. Nothing says, "Some serious work is going to get done here" like putting your hair up in a messy ponytail, or if you want to go retro, a bandanna.

Naturally, I got sidetracked. I have these little-girl plastic elastic hairmabobs...you know what I'm talking about. These have clear plastic polyhedrons attached to a matching elastic band, in bright turquoise and pink.

I used them to create pigtails from my newly short hair. Said pigtails stick straight out from my head and make me look like a cross between Pippy Longstocking and a terrier, or perhaps a Borrible.

Added bonus: thewonderboy is horrified. He gave me the Patented Teenage Woe! Woe! Why-Must-I-Suffer? Look, and said, "I don't think it suits you."

Hee, hee.

At lunch today:

wonderboy: "I've just thought of the best way to eat food I don't like ever. Pretend you're engulfing entire universes, full of civilizations unworthy of your greatness!"

Me: ....

thewonderboy: "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Me: "You have to ask?"

thewonderboy  decided to start doing "Two cent(ence) reviews."   Here is an example of his wit:

"WisCon is a must for anyone who lives in the local area, or who likes to travel.  Don't fear the feminist themes of this convention; feminists can smell fear."


Heh heh.   That's my boy.

For one thing, he is currently swiffering the floor to "Rhapsody in Blue."

For another, as we were in the checkout line at Earth Fare, someone behind us said, "Is that the mighty [Wonder Boy]?"

thewonderboy says, "Where do you know me from?"

Grocery Store Guy says, "Oh, your name is on everyone's lips.  I've seen in on billboards...in the newspaper..."

thewonderboy:   "Not yet, but give it time."    [Proceeds to talk about his current doings, including animation and Teen Screen]  "But seriously, where do you know me from?"

Grocery Store Guy:   "Oh, I keep tabs on all the cultural happenings in Athens, and your name keeps coming up."

I went to the official website to look at the trailer for the new "Indiana Jones" movie.  Naturally, the theme song started playing.

I heard footsteps pounding down the hall.   My son enters my office, slams the door behind him, puts his back to the door and yells, "GIANT FRIGGIN' BOULDER!!"   Points at computer:   "TURN THAT OFF!!"

So, I am trying to reduce unnecessary expenditures, and decided to cancel our cable TV. (I don't watch it anyway, and the Wonder Boy* only watches The Simpsons and Family Guy.) To make up for this I offered to also cancel the house phone (which also never gets used) and get him a cell phone added onto my plan instead (I don't want him to be home without a way of calling me, or 911 if there's an emergency). It would cost me less total, but still be something he's said he wants.

He told me he didn't need a cell phone, and didn't need TV, and to go ahead and just cancel the cable. He also said that he needed to be less prone to losing things before he got a cell phone.

Yes. You read that right. A teenager just turned down a cell phone, and volunteered to give up TV.

...So do me a favor, right? Next time you hear people start up that old, indeed ancient**, whine about how "kids these days are so greedy, trifling, inconsiderate, irresponsible, blah blah blah" look them in the eye and say, "It isn't so." My kid isn't the only one by a long shot, I know that for a fact.


*He's not a little boy anymore; maybe I should call him the Wonder Teen? It doesn't have quite the same ring.

**"The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for
authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place
of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their
households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They
contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties
at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers." --attr. Socrates

Wonder Boy: "Hey Mom, how should I wrap this? Where should I cut it?"

Me: *examining present* "Here, turn it this way, and cut it right there."

Wonder Boy: "There?!? Not here? I think it would be better here."

Me: "You asked me." *wanders off grumbling to thinkmonkey who is in my kitchen cooking* "Welcome to the Land of Teenager. He asks my opinion and then argues with me about it."

thinkmonkey: "I don't think that's being a teenager. He's been doing that since he was eight."

Me: "It's the level of intensity."

Wonder Boy: "HEY! I resent that! I'm sure lots of other people do that! Not just teenagers! And I wasn't arguing!"

Me: "You do realize that you are proving my point with every word you utter, since you're still arguing."

Wonder Boy: "Hmmmph. I bet you did the same thing when YOU were a kid!"

Me: "I was a lot more well-read and erudite when I was your age. Not to mention wittier."

Wonder Boy: "HA! No you weren't."

Me: "Yes, I was. When my mother told me to make myself useful, I said, 'Mother, I'm purely decorative.'"

Wonder Boy: "Oh yeah? Who needs your tea-sipping wit!"